The past few weeks I've had these feelings in the pit of my stomach that have made me feel like I need to do something better in my life. I watch these reality TV shows where people start from nothing and become these rich and famous celebrities. I see these things on the internet, magazines, television. It surrounds me. It's like the world is mocking me. "What are you going to do with your life, Kristin???"
So far, all I've managed to do is get married and have a kid. Now, I'm not saying that I regret any of it. I love my husband and my son more than anyone could possibly know, but I still feel like I have something missing in my life.
I sit here everyday and stare at the computer screen or a television screen. It's been three years since high school, and I occasionally run into someone that I knew then, but that is it. As horrible as it sounds, I have no friends. I feel very isolated. I'll go to my aunt's house sometimes, and my mom and sisters come over to my house. Greg and I will go to Tulsa sometimes to go shopping for groceries, or just splurge. Aside from family, I see no one else. I am a bit depressed.
I used to be very thin and in shape, but now... well, let's just say that when I try to do a push-up nothing happens. I won't go so far as to say I'm fat, but I have definitely filled out in a few places since I had the baby. I have a sickly pale hue to my skin, and I have dark circles under my eyes. I've never been able to get a tan, and I've never really had the money to go to a tanning salon. I don't feel very pretty.
What I need is a few life changes. I am thinking about possibly joining a health club and starting to work out. I'm also going to get a hair cut and maybe even dyed. I am going to start tanning and get a bit less transparent. I need to feel beautiful.
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